Trashy

I read an article a number of years ago about a family of four whos entire collection of garbage over one year fit into a mason jar.  The mother in the family had become very serious about making as little trash and waste as possible.  After some work, she achieved her goal of only having a mason jar's worth of trash for the landfill after keeping the family's garbage for 12 months. I cannot relate.  I make more than a mason jar's worth of trash over one day.  I make more than a mason jar's worth of trash over HALF of one day.

The amount of trash one makes isn't really a huge concern, unless one resides in a very small, poorly ventilated living space and no official trash service.  In that situation, the amount of trash one makes is a huge concern.  I am one that fits the above description.  So, you might wonder, what happens to all the trash?  The answer is: Take the bags with you when you leave for work and deposit them in somewhere else.  Every day.  In different places.

Allow me to paint the picture.  What will really help capture the feeling behind this experience will be me informing you that I don't know if it is illegal or just really frowned upon to dispose of your household trash in business dumpsters.  Either way, you can understand the fact that I do NOT want to get caught and fined or worse simply for not having a disposal service.  So I get creative in how, and where, and when I toss my trash bags.   Full of mail, kitchen scraps, wrappers, scribbled lists, wet paper towels and coffee grounds, my 13 gallon collections are sloppy, smelly, and sometimes quite heavy.  These attributes make it very challenging to inconspicuously roll up to a dumpster in full public view, quickly fling my garbage into it, and execute a clean getaway.

In order to ease my mind about the albeit unlikely risk of getting arrested for unlawful dumping, I have come up with a system and "rules" I follow for disposal every day.  Rule 1: never in the same place more than two times in a week.  After living in this area for a couple years, I have found several dumpsters that do not seem to have rules posted about who can use the receptacle, or surveillance cameras.  I have a recurring daydream/ nightmare that footage of me pulling up and unloading bags of trash into a dumpster and then making tracks as I lead-foot it to escape the scene will be some day blasted across all local news stations with a police hotline number under it and the caption, "Police ask for help finding this criminal.  Please call our tip line with information as to the identity of the Trash Trespasser."  I imagine that taking the trash to the same dumpster every day would attract attention that would result in this exact news story.  So, spreading out my drop spots is key.  The apartment complex 3 miles south of me, the gas station just to the south of the apartments, behind where I used to work as well as the gas station next door, and the dumpster by the vacuums at the carwash are my main stops.  I also have discovered a dumpster by my current work as well the ol' man's, that I feel are good fillers when I need.   All of the locations give me enough options that following Rule 1 is very easy.  If I for some reason find myself needing to use a dump location more than 2 times in a week, Rule 2 comes into action.

Rule 2: in the event that a certain dumpster ends up being my drop location more than two times in the same week, a different vehicle than what I most recently driving for the last time I used that stop must be used.  Me and the ol' man have 3 vehicles between the two of us and so it is not impossible to keep Rule 2.  I just try to remember if I was in the truck or the car the last time I used a particular dumpster and make sure I take the other option this time.  Or, if I am already driving and choosing between 2 comparable locations, I will consider what vehicle I am in and chose based on that. I believe that if some full time, regular employee at any of these business, or a stay-at-home mom or work from home tenant at the apartment paid much attention at all, they would notice within a couple weeks and have my pattern figured out.  However, I try not to think about that, and also try to tell myself that no one is looking or caring.

I mentioned timing, which is also taken into consideration for my diverse dumping decisions, which is Rule 3 comes into play.  I try to avoid the busy times where there are more people walking or driving by as I commit my crime.  For example, if I am taking the trash and it is 7am, Rule 3 helps me know to chose a gas station drop instead of the apartment complex.  That time of morning at the complex, there is a steady stream of commuters headed out for their morning drive, as well as all age schoolers and parents walking to the bus stop and piling into their cars to make it to class on time.  Evenings are busy all most places, but the car wash seems to have the least traffic of all the choices.

The last rule is that I will only allow one bag or box at a time.  Per Rule 4, if there are multiple bags, or several boxes, or a combination of the two,  I will drop one item at each dumpster.  If I have to unload and toss more than one thing, it leaves me visible longer and attracts more attention.  So, I pull up, and in one quick, fluid motion, open my door and pull the trash behind me as I step out and swing my arm softball-pitch style and let the trash fly over and in.  Swiftly back in the driver seat and pulling away with haste, but not so quickly as to attract attention, my stop is complete and I make my exit.

Now, I can agree this all sounds like a lot.  However, all these thoughts happen in a split second.  The decision is made quickly, but calculated thoughtfully.  Also, I want to convince myself that I am not absolutely over the top bonkers in think that there is anything illegal happening here.  It probably is not a big deal at all, especially considering that I only utilize dumpsters without signage.  Maybe they are in fact OPEN to public dumping.  But, I simply do not know for sure, and my gut is so torn over the idea that I MAY be doing something wrong, that I created this system for taking out my garbage.  Some Day, I will walk my kitchen bags out of the garage door and into a waste removal company's appointed cart and roll it to the street once a week.   Until Some Day, I plan around my trash. 

One of Them

I am one of THOSE people .We all know different sets of THOSE people.  Theres the set of people who use their K cups twice. The sets of people who say "let's roll" when it's time to leave.  The sets of people who's yards are overgrown and they just don't give a damn. To someone, we are all one of THOSE people. But let me tell you, I never thought it would come to this.  I'm going to call it thrifty and creative but really it's just cheap and lazy .

I hung a t-shirt over my bedside window .The factory shades are not cutting it and with the east facing pane sitting 18 inches from my face, well, I needed to block the light there a bit more than the others . I could have bought a cute panel.  One single panel would be big enough to cut up and sew a couple more for the other windows.  I even walked through Target to look at different options. I've planned out what days during the week I had time and could sew them.  In the end, though, 11 months in the parking spot and I haven't pulled the trigger.  I don't want to invest in doing something cute or updated for Yertle if I don't know how long I will be here.

So let me introduce myself as a new member of the group, "Uses Clothing (or bedding) as Window Treatments".  I might add, I didn't even hang it straight.  How long will it be there?

Yertle

Dr. Seuss had a story about a turtle named Yertle.  When I decided to buy a travel trailer to live in full time, my children and I discussed how the trailer life was like being a turtle in his shell; wherever I decided to go, I would be home!  Since I have always named the vehicles in my life, it made sense to name the trailer.  And what better name for a 'turtle' of a home than Yertle?  So, the 5th wheel became Yertle, and I began to make it my home.

Yertle was 12 years old at the time a sweet widower living in a retirement community posted the unit for sale.  He had owned it with the intent of traveling with his wife around the United States in their retired years and visiting family, National Parks, and the sights around North America.  Not too long into their nomadic plans, his darling bride fell ill and their travels came to a halt.  He took every care to tend to her needs and well being but she continued to deteriorate until she eventually passed away.  Her distraught husband couldn't bring himself to sell the trailer they had made so many memories in and plans for until medical bills and other living expenses loomed so large there were no other options.  So, after the camper had been with him for many years, he posted it for sale right at the time I had begun looking.

I had a small chunk of cash, just about what he was asking for it and I went to do a walk-through.  The unit was filled with the couple's things still, but hadn't been used for quite some time.  He talked me through all the ins and outs, the quirks and features, and we talked at length about the benefits and downsides of long term trailer living.  Everything seemed like what I was looking for; a small, portable space to call my own.  Among the pluses, a fully functional, albeit tiny, kitchen, relatively roomy shower, comfortable queen bed, hot water heater, sleeper sofa for overnight guests to crash on, dual propane tanks, moderate sized fridge, lots of storage nooks and crannies, efficient floor plan, furnished, updated flooring, a washing machine, clean.  To top off the deal, the owner agreed to transport the unit to my location and help me set up for the first time.  Without much hesitation or thought, we shook on it and the deal was done.

It didn't take much looking to find a space for Yertle with a very reasonable rent.  Water, electric, trash all included for $500.  Set on a desert hill with outstanding views of the sunrises and sunsets, as well as the night-time city lights, I was more than excited to settle in.  So, within a few days, arrangements were made, all my belongings were packed into my crew cab truck, and I was standing at the top of the hill on the large property, watching down the dirt road for Yertle to arrive.

I had everything moved in before the night was over.  I was so satisfied as I organized my handful of dishes and spices in the kitchen, my clothes in the closets and drawers, my small DVD collection into the cabinet under the TV, and the few childhood mementos I had were safely put away.  I stood back and looked around at my new home.  Life is rarely what you planned, expected, or hoped for...but in that moment, I was proud of myself and satisfied with the adventure I was started on.  Mostly, I was looking forward to feeling like whatever was in store for me and Yertle, I was home.