Trashy

I read an article a number of years ago about a family of four whos entire collection of garbage over one year fit into a mason jar.  The mother in the family had become very serious about making as little trash and waste as possible.  After some work, she achieved her goal of only having a mason jar's worth of trash for the landfill after keeping the family's garbage for 12 months. I cannot relate.  I make more than a mason jar's worth of trash over one day.  I make more than a mason jar's worth of trash over HALF of one day.

The amount of trash one makes isn't really a huge concern, unless one resides in a very small, poorly ventilated living space and no official trash service.  In that situation, the amount of trash one makes is a huge concern.  I am one that fits the above description.  So, you might wonder, what happens to all the trash?  The answer is: Take the bags with you when you leave for work and deposit them in somewhere else.  Every day.  In different places.

Allow me to paint the picture.  What will really help capture the feeling behind this experience will be me informing you that I don't know if it is illegal or just really frowned upon to dispose of your household trash in business dumpsters.  Either way, you can understand the fact that I do NOT want to get caught and fined or worse simply for not having a disposal service.  So I get creative in how, and where, and when I toss my trash bags.   Full of mail, kitchen scraps, wrappers, scribbled lists, wet paper towels and coffee grounds, my 13 gallon collections are sloppy, smelly, and sometimes quite heavy.  These attributes make it very challenging to inconspicuously roll up to a dumpster in full public view, quickly fling my garbage into it, and execute a clean getaway.

In order to ease my mind about the albeit unlikely risk of getting arrested for unlawful dumping, I have come up with a system and "rules" I follow for disposal every day.  Rule 1: never in the same place more than two times in a week.  After living in this area for a couple years, I have found several dumpsters that do not seem to have rules posted about who can use the receptacle, or surveillance cameras.  I have a recurring daydream/ nightmare that footage of me pulling up and unloading bags of trash into a dumpster and then making tracks as I lead-foot it to escape the scene will be some day blasted across all local news stations with a police hotline number under it and the caption, "Police ask for help finding this criminal.  Please call our tip line with information as to the identity of the Trash Trespasser."  I imagine that taking the trash to the same dumpster every day would attract attention that would result in this exact news story.  So, spreading out my drop spots is key.  The apartment complex 3 miles south of me, the gas station just to the south of the apartments, behind where I used to work as well as the gas station next door, and the dumpster by the vacuums at the carwash are my main stops.  I also have discovered a dumpster by my current work as well the ol' man's, that I feel are good fillers when I need.   All of the locations give me enough options that following Rule 1 is very easy.  If I for some reason find myself needing to use a dump location more than 2 times in a week, Rule 2 comes into action.

Rule 2: in the event that a certain dumpster ends up being my drop location more than two times in the same week, a different vehicle than what I most recently driving for the last time I used that stop must be used.  Me and the ol' man have 3 vehicles between the two of us and so it is not impossible to keep Rule 2.  I just try to remember if I was in the truck or the car the last time I used a particular dumpster and make sure I take the other option this time.  Or, if I am already driving and choosing between 2 comparable locations, I will consider what vehicle I am in and chose based on that. I believe that if some full time, regular employee at any of these business, or a stay-at-home mom or work from home tenant at the apartment paid much attention at all, they would notice within a couple weeks and have my pattern figured out.  However, I try not to think about that, and also try to tell myself that no one is looking or caring.

I mentioned timing, which is also taken into consideration for my diverse dumping decisions, which is Rule 3 comes into play.  I try to avoid the busy times where there are more people walking or driving by as I commit my crime.  For example, if I am taking the trash and it is 7am, Rule 3 helps me know to chose a gas station drop instead of the apartment complex.  That time of morning at the complex, there is a steady stream of commuters headed out for their morning drive, as well as all age schoolers and parents walking to the bus stop and piling into their cars to make it to class on time.  Evenings are busy all most places, but the car wash seems to have the least traffic of all the choices.

The last rule is that I will only allow one bag or box at a time.  Per Rule 4, if there are multiple bags, or several boxes, or a combination of the two,  I will drop one item at each dumpster.  If I have to unload and toss more than one thing, it leaves me visible longer and attracts more attention.  So, I pull up, and in one quick, fluid motion, open my door and pull the trash behind me as I step out and swing my arm softball-pitch style and let the trash fly over and in.  Swiftly back in the driver seat and pulling away with haste, but not so quickly as to attract attention, my stop is complete and I make my exit.

Now, I can agree this all sounds like a lot.  However, all these thoughts happen in a split second.  The decision is made quickly, but calculated thoughtfully.  Also, I want to convince myself that I am not absolutely over the top bonkers in think that there is anything illegal happening here.  It probably is not a big deal at all, especially considering that I only utilize dumpsters without signage.  Maybe they are in fact OPEN to public dumping.  But, I simply do not know for sure, and my gut is so torn over the idea that I MAY be doing something wrong, that I created this system for taking out my garbage.  Some Day, I will walk my kitchen bags out of the garage door and into a waste removal company's appointed cart and roll it to the street once a week.   Until Some Day, I plan around my trash.